not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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