He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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