I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
