I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
