i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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