I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
