I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
