I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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