My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
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