that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
