Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
