i permit you to call me
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
