You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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