I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
