Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
