So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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