he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
