he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
