Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
