I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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