Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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