just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
