I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
