when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
