I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
