I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize