My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
