You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
