you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
