The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
