you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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