So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
