note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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