I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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