Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
