Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think I just shit out all my problems.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
