she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
