If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
