Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
