i was born a porn star she said
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
