shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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