i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
