The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
