he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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