I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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