thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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