I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
