Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
