i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
