there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
