As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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