I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
