I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
