there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
