how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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