I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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