Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
