So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
