I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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