Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
