Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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