I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
