i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
