My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
