My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
