I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
